Monday, October 27, 2014

Senior Citizens, Please Stop Sitting Naked in The Locker Room

Below is a letter that needs to be forwarded to brothers, fathers, grandfathers, and uncles as soon as possibles. 

Dear naked old guys,

I understand that at your age, you need to take the time to sit down from time to time especially from just working out. There is no knocking that. My letter is for the elderly and middle aged men who think its fine to sit butt naked in the men's locker room at the gym.

I'm speaking on behalf of the status quo when I say this. If you want to sit on the benches naked that is totally fine. But when you sit there without a towel, you are crossing the lines between sanitary and utterly disgusting.

Once upon a time, I was an avid sitter inside of the locker room talking football with my buddies, until one day when I sat down inside of the locker room. Placing my hand down without even thinking, and before you knew it, my hand was laying on a butt sweat imprint. C'mon now. really? Some jerk off left their buttsweat as clear as day. No remorse or concern for the next person to come.

What is even crazier about these locker room debacles, is that there are CONSTANTLY other older men sitting on top of each others butt sweat. Is it that hard to use a towel?

Just because you cant see all the microscopic germs floating around on gym equipment and locker room surfaces doesn't mean they are not there. Below are the following threats to your health from sitting naked in the locker room:

  • Human Papillomavirus is a virus also known as HPV. It's the most common sexually transmitted disease. But that doesn't mean sex is the only way you get it.
How do you get it? You can pick up plantar warts from walking around barefoot in bathrooms, showers, and locker rooms.
  • Candida The most common culprit in fungal infections. It is a yeast-like fungus that can lead to everything from athlete's foot, to ringworm, to jock itch in men, and yeast infections in women.
How do you get it?Contact of course. It loves warm, moist areas, so locker rooms, saunas, swimming pools and showers are the perfect environment to pick up some tasty foot fungus.
  • Streptococcal bacteria A type of bacteria that usually causes upper respiratory infections also known as strep throat. There are 20 different types of strep bacteria.
How do you get it?It's very contagious and is spread through person-to-person contact, airborne droplets, doorknobs and other surfaces. Sweaty exercise equipment, saunas, locker rooms and drinking bottles can harbor strep.

I'm sure you folks have met a man with colon problems, Pruritus Ani,  anal fissures, digestive issues or hemorrhoids. Could you imagine if they pull the stunts you do and sit naked in the locker rooms? Do you really want to sit down without a towel now?

Anyhow, I urge naked guys to think before they sit down naked. If not for yourself, then for those like me. If not for me, then think about your health if you contracted something because of your stubbornness. Cheers!


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